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HELP! I still don’t understand women

Gee, even after 25 years on this planet, it is a little bit unnerving to find out I still don’t understand women.

 I adore them. I like talking to them. I love watching them. But I fear I will never ever completely understand them, but therein lies the charm…the mystery…the conundrum of Woman.

 Women love it when men think they’re sexy. They wear skimpy outfits, like micro mini skirts, and then spend most of the time pulling the hems of their skirts down when they ride up. And another thing, when you see a voluptuous female walking by, dressed in an outfit two sizes too small for her, and half her ‘stuff’ hanging out, and you react in surprise by saying something juvenile like ‘Baby, yu fat!’, she throws a fit.

Women, if you wear slutty clothes, men will think you’re a slut. We're visual creatures, so let's call a spade a spade It’s as simple as that. Then they hang out with ‘skettel’ girlfriends, and then get mad at YOU when you end up in bed with one of their slutty friends.

   They go to the bathroom by committee. How many times have you seen four or more women go to the bathroom together? You have to wonder just what the hell they are doing there.

   They complain bitterly, and argue when you look at other women while walking with them, yet they pretend they don’t check out other men. Women think that it is a form of disrespect or something to ogle the assets of another woman when it is just a decidedly male impulse. It’s nothing personal, or a reflection on you. It’s just males being males. Stop being hypocritical.

   Women always complain about how men disrespect and belittle women, but in reality, women do more damage to their own sex. You don’t believe me? If you want to tear down a woman, the best thing to do is send a sister after her, and it’s as good as done.

   Women believe that their bodily functions are less odorous than those of a man, and when they come over to your house, they refuse to ‘courtesy flush’. I just don’t get that.

   Women believe that men can’t remain celibate. They believe that if a man isn’t sexually active, then something is seriously wrong with him. It’s either you are a serial killer, a lousy lay or you have some furniture missing from your top floor. They believe that all men are dogs, and we all fool around. They simply reduce us to life support systems for our penises, and then when we live up to their low expectations of us, they go ballistic.

   Women don’t respect your privacy but demand theirs. They check your pants for phone numbers, listen to your voicemail messages, leave their underwear over your house, check your caller ID, and set their friends up to watch you. Yet, when you ask her how come she didn`
t call you last weekend, she erupts, ‘Do you think I am some careless gal? I can’t believe you think I would cheat on you…(near tears now) you don’t trust me, and after all we’ve been through and blah-de-blah-blah’.

   Regardless of what ‘virtues’ they espouse, women operate on the premise that men are scarce. If you tell them you’re single, they’ll believe you’re a liar. So when you meet a woman, just tell her you have a girlfriend even if you’ve been single for a while, make up an imaginary girl. You’ll be surprised at how many women are willing to share a man.

   Women get a big rush from ‘tekking’ a next girl’s man, and after you drop your old girlfriend and go steady with her, and one day, you end up cheating on her afterwards, she asks: how could you?

   Women are attracted to excitement and living on the edge. Women like to call men shallow but it is women who are often wooed by materialism (the gold-diggers), shallow characteristics, plus superficial and cosmetic good looks. They don’t want to share their beds with shy-guys or nerds, but when their Lexxus-driving, baby-mother-dodging Don Juan breaks their hearts or their faces  – whichever comes first 0 they go around asking: “where are all the good men?”.

 Go figure.

   And why do women shave their eyebrows, and then draw them back? Maybe it’s just me, but I just can’t figure broads out.

   Can you?

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